Of what i am and what i have learned

This post was started on my Birthday.  Sigh.. i have been wrestling with it ever since.

Today is my birthday.



I was born a mere 5 days after Reagan was installed in the White House.  I share my birthday with Oprah Winfrey.  I put my mother through 36 hours of labor before i finally made my debut in the world.  (I’m still not insanely great at being on time, but i try).

So, i came into this world to a family with both parents musicians, my father a minister of music in the Southern Baptist church, and my mother a music teacher.  Let it be said, i was not the “typical” rebellious ministers kid.  I think all in all i was a pretty good kid.  The most trouble i got into growing up, was when i slacked off at school.  I think i spent my whole 8th grade year grounded due to grades.  I hate school but LOVE learning.  I find that traditional schooling doesn’t allow people who think like me to really have much of a chance to get through without being labeled  under achievers , weirdos or oddballs.  I never really embraced my strangeness until my mid-twenties.  I have met a series of people who made me realize that what was strange or weird about me, was really what made me cool and fun.

I look back on my life up until now and see all these events (however small) that shaped me and my passions.  I have my hang ups and baggage (who doesn’t?) and i probably wont go into those now, but here is what i feel i am right now: (warning, selfishly examining myself… after all what are birthdays for?)

1.  I am a geek.  I say it a lot and i say it again. I AM GEEK!  i am not a girly girl.  I am not a tomboy either.  I find myself in the company of men more often due to my passions ie. video games, science fiction/fantasy, comic booky stuff.  Give me a bag of dice and 4 guys playing D&D over a group of gals watching a girl movie.  I do have girls that i care deeply about and even if i don’t talk to them as much as i/they would like, i still do deeply care. (I’m not very good at *social* stuff)  Along this line, i blame my father for this love of all things geeky.  When i was 10 years old we watched Terminator 2 together.  I will NEVER forget this because it really was one of the defining moments in forming this passion.  I was fascinated.  Time travel? Cyborgs? Blood and Guts??  Hoo boy.. i was never the same. (no but really, thanks Pop!)

2.  I am a person who is at times painfully empathetic and sensitive.  This makes me care incredibly deeply for people and makes me they type of person who tries to save everyone! This is one of my mothers contributions to my personality (Not a bad thing Ma! i promise!)  This rescuing/saving is not only people.  This extends to animals as well.  I cannot watch The humane society commercials (Donate Here http://www.humanesociety.org/ ) with Sarah M. singing without bursting into tears.  I have rescued (or helped rescue) Lots of animals including; The Kitties- Squeak *RIP*, her daughter Freak *RIP, Squeak’s son Punk, Cher and her brood Tux, Hershey, Chihiro, Kikkio and then the loner Bloo.  The doggies Pippin and Koga plus random Pit Bulls in the neighborhood that i have helped to animal control or a shelter.  So thanks Ma for my rescuing ways.  I just have to learn control myself!!

3. I am someone who is prone to various neuroses (is that the plural of Neurosis?).  General Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Hypochondria, being a pain in my husbands ass.. oh wait…. I work very hard at keeping all of these things under control.  I am very open about all of these things, but when i am in the midst of a panic attack or a deep depression, the only person i really ever talk to about things is my husband.  Poor guy.  He is my grounding in reality.  I love all of my family and friends, but i don’t know what i would do with out dearest hubs.  He USUALLY (giggle) knows just what to say or do to make me laugh and pull me out of whatever is ailing me.  He laughs his cute little butt off at me when i think i have some rare form of disease and will die whilst bleeding out of my eyeballs.  *Gads i must be entertaining*.  He puts up with all my idiocy and i cant believe i got so lucky!

4.  I have been shaped and loved by incredible people who i will never forget no matter how far apart we are, and even if we dont ever talk or see each other you are all in my heart.  I am so lucky to have met and loved and laughed and cried with you (Monica, Jen, Ken, Robbie AKA “the Family” from college.  Todd you crazy mutha.  Luke and the Johnson family aka my second parents and brothers.  Daniel and Michael and Freya & all of the fabulous gorgeous men and women in the past few years.  My crazy Theater folk who are too numerous to name.  All the people from Tommy’s Interactive years ago.) you are all my heart.  And now it is full with reminiscences and love, and i thank you all for all of those great times!


So there you have it.  This damn post i have struggled with for a few weeks now.  Very self-indulgent and long (or at least it seems so to me).


love as thou wilt



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